This week has been one of those weeks where I have felt so
intently, the intense weariness of my flesh, but also the incredible
empowerment of His spirit alive in me.
For the sake of all honesty, I began this week in a very
fleshly place. In my spirit, knowing
that God was requiring of me more than I could do apart from Him, but frankly,
wanting to jump ship and give up. In
response, I reached out to a couple women who are great encouragers in my
life.
Both of them responded in a godly manner. Not allowing me in my flesh to remain
unchallenged, but with such grace and love.
Those are the people we need to seek out for counsel guys, the people
who will call us on our crap, while loving us, and loving our Father.
One reminded me of the painfulness of being pruned, and how
it reminds us of God as the vinedresser.
It hurts, but I want to bloom, I need to be healthy. She directed my eyes towards the faithfulness
of my Father, completing His good work in me, and off of the circumstances that
felt so big and daunting… off of the waves, and onto the Son. Why are those dang waves so distracting?!
The other listened closely, and was slow to speak. However, after she had heard me go on for a
while, she gently drew my eyes to all of the good things I was communicating. “Erin, do you even hear all of these things
you are saying?!” Here I was, frustrated
by all the things God wasn’t doing, and completely unaware of all the things
that He is. There is so much good stuff
happening, but my irritations made me blind to it!
So this morning, in a better place, I was working through 1
John. Today, I was parked in 1 John
2:15-17.
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the
Father is not in him. For all that is in
the world- the desires of the flesh, and the desires of the eyes and pride of
life – is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its
desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”
It asked some penetrating questions, and my take away was
this:
Any time we fail to obey the will of our Father for us,
because of our love of comfort, or self in a way that hinders our willingness
or ability to do what we have been called to do, OR to love Who we have been
called to enjoy, we are loving the world.
In contrast, loving the Father is choosing relationship and obedience to
Him at minimal (in reality) but great cost (in experience) to our self-love.
The study asked me to identify some symptoms in my life of
being enamored with the world.
Irritation at discomfort
Lack of gratitude
Superficial relationships
Lack of hunger for a sustaining relationship with my Father
I think this back and forth I experience on a daily basis,
the back and forth that reminds me that I am completely inadequate to do what
God has called me to do, and yet I cannot do anything else. I’m stuck.
It reminds me of my childbirth class… Steph, the woman who
taught told us, “You will get to that point in childbirth that the pain is so
intense, you don’t want to move forward, but you definitely don’t want to turn
back. It is in that moment, you have to
surrender yourself to the reality that you must work with your body, to do what
it takes to persevere through the discomfort, so you can hold that baby in your
arms.”
That’s where I am sitting.
Today, I was reading day 10 in “The Gospel Primer” by Milton
Vincent. Not coincidently, that was
exactly what the reading was about today (based on Romans 6).
“The righteousness of God, credited to me through Christ, is
not merely something I rest in, but it is also the premier saving reality by
which God governs me…
And now, I am daily called by God to surrender the members
of my being as slaves to do whatever this righteousness dictates…
Indeed, God has clothed me with His righteousness. Now He wants this righteousness to master me.”
Beautiful, painful, difficult, necessary… good. This is Christ’s work in and through me… I
can’t turn back. I must keep going.
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